Statira Frances K.Z.

Statira a star in my life. You were my first true romance. You were the first woman that I honestly loved with all my heart. And for those brief few months, I know you loved me genuinely too. I felt you. We both delighted in each other's presence. I was always so happy to see you; to be with you.
I remember vividly when you and I were at your parents place in Bethlehem PA, getting down on my hands and knees and kissing your bare foot.
"I adore you Statira"
Remember FA loves Be Statira? From the film DAY OF THE DOLPHIN. I was FA you were BE.
I remember going to see Star Wars in that magical summer of 1977, and in the parking lot of the Mall, putting my chin on the top of your head.
"You fit just right under my chin"
Then came college in September, you came to Drew to see me off, and you cried real tears and I cried too. Because we both knew we would miss each other. Maybe in hindsight, we knew it was the end of our romance too. Would you believe that I am crying now as I write this about that? I know, yes I am crazy.
It all went bad after you told me we were done. I knew it before you even told me on the phone though. I can honestly say it was one of my true psychic experiences. I just felt you STOP loving me all of a sudden even though we were miles apart.
After that it was a string of bad decisions on my part. Leave college, work as a bellboy, join the Navy, desert, make porn films, marry the wrong women...but I did make beautiful children with them. I do not regret that.
I do regret you and me not making children. You and me not having a life together; or at least some good years of marriage before my insanity or infidelity would have broken us apart. I can only imagine how beautiful any child or children that you and I would have made would look.
I would love to see you today. Now you are older but Im sure just as lovely. I know you're married and settled etc. It's just a wish of mine. I always wondered what you look like these days.
So why write this at all? I needed to put it out there. Out of my head and into the ether. My hope is that you will come across it in a search and not feel too uncomfortable. That you might even smile a bit. Like the graffitti I wrote on the wall of the 9th St. PATH station, that I knew you would pass every day on the way to school at NYU.
"SMILE STATIRA"