Statira a star in my life. You were my first true romance. You were the first woman that I honestly loved with all my heart. And for those brief few months, I know you loved me genuinely too. I felt you. We both delighted in each other's presence. I was always so happy to see you; to be with you.
I remember vividly when you and I were at your parents place in Bethlehem PA, getting down on my hands and knees and kissing your bare foot.
"I adore you Statira"
Remember FA loves Be Statira? From the film DAY OF THE DOLPHIN. I was FA you were BE.
I remember going to see Star Wars in that magical summer of 1977, and in the parking lot of the Mall, putting my chin on the top of your head.
"You fit just right under my chin"
Then came college in September, you came to Drew to see me off, and you cried real tears and I cried too. Because we both knew we would miss each other. Maybe in hindsight, we knew it was the end of our romance too. Would you believe that I am crying now as I write this about that? I know, yes I am crazy.
It all went bad after you told me we were done. I knew it before you even told me on the phone though. I can honestly say it was one of my true psychic experiences. I just felt you STOP loving me all of a sudden even though we were miles apart.
After that it was a string of bad decisions on my part. Leave college, work as a bellboy, join the Navy, desert, make porn films, marry the wrong women...but I did make beautiful children with them. I do not regret that.
I do regret you and me not making children. You and me not having a life together; or at least some good years of marriage before my insanity or infidelity would have broken us apart. I can only imagine how beautiful any child or children that you and I would have made would look.
I would love to see you today. Now you are older but Im sure just as lovely. I know you're married and settled etc. It's just a wish of mine. I always wondered what you look like these days.
So why write this at all? I needed to put it out there. Out of my head and into the ether. My hope is that you will come across it in a search and not feel too uncomfortable. That you might even smile a bit. Like the graffitti I wrote on the wall of the 9th St. PATH station, that I knew you would pass every day on the way to school at NYU.
"SMILE STATIRA"
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Thursday, October 13, 2011
RE-LIGION & RE-ALITY
atheism
"It appears to me (whether rightly or wrongly) that direct arguments against christianity and theism produce hardly any effect on the public; and freedom of thought is best promoted by the gradual illumination of men's minds which follows from the advance of science." [Darwin]
"If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities." [Voltaire]
"I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own -- a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotism." [Einstein]
"Faith means not wanting to know what is true." [Nietzsche]
"I cannot believe in the immortality of the soul.... No, all this talk of an existence for us, as individuals, beyond the grave is wrong. It is born of our tenacity of life – our desire to go on living … our dread of coming to an end." [Edison]
"The Bible is not my book nor Christianity my profession. I could never give assent to the long, complicated statements of Christian dogma." [Lincoln]
"Religion is a byproduct of fear. For much of human history, it may have been a necessary evil, but why was it more evil than necessary? Isn't killing people in the name of God a pretty good definition of insanity?" [Arthur C. Clarke]
"Religions are all alike – founded upon fables and mythologies." [Thomas Jefferson]
"Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terrifying and absolutely vile." [Kurt Vonnegut]
"Religion is based . . . mainly on fear . . . fear of the mysterious, fear of defeat, fear of death. Fear is the parent of cruelty, and therefore it is no wonder if cruelty and religion have gone hand in hand. . . . My own view on religion is that of Lucretius. I regard it as a disease born of fear and as a source of untold misery to the human race." [Bertrand Russell]
"It appears to me (whether rightly or wrongly) that direct arguments against christianity and theism produce hardly any effect on the public; and freedom of thought is best promoted by the gradual illumination of men's minds which follows from the advance of science." [Darwin]
"If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities." [Voltaire]
"I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modeled after our own -- a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of his body, although feeble souls harbor such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotism." [Einstein]
"Faith means not wanting to know what is true." [Nietzsche]
"I cannot believe in the immortality of the soul.... No, all this talk of an existence for us, as individuals, beyond the grave is wrong. It is born of our tenacity of life – our desire to go on living … our dread of coming to an end." [Edison]
"The Bible is not my book nor Christianity my profession. I could never give assent to the long, complicated statements of Christian dogma." [Lincoln]
"Religion is a byproduct of fear. For much of human history, it may have been a necessary evil, but why was it more evil than necessary? Isn't killing people in the name of God a pretty good definition of insanity?" [Arthur C. Clarke]
"Religions are all alike – founded upon fables and mythologies." [Thomas Jefferson]
"Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terrifying and absolutely vile." [Kurt Vonnegut]
"Religion is based . . . mainly on fear . . . fear of the mysterious, fear of defeat, fear of death. Fear is the parent of cruelty, and therefore it is no wonder if cruelty and religion have gone hand in hand. . . . My own view on religion is that of Lucretius. I regard it as a disease born of fear and as a source of untold misery to the human race." [Bertrand Russell]
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
US MILITARY, SHEEP TO THE SLAUGHTER
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Wednesday, April 27, 2011
NO TIE FOR ME, THANK YOU
The year was 1968. I was 9 years old in the fourth grade of public school #28 in Jersey City NJ. My teacher was Miss Kaiser (as in Wilhelm). Being a public school, there were few rules about dress code or
uniforms. However, Miss Kaiser was adamant about male students being required to wear neckties. If a boy showed up not wearing one, she would cut a comically large contruction paper bow-tie and paper clip
it to his collar so that he would suffer the humiliation of being the butt of the you-didnt-wear-a-tie jokes for the rest of the day.
I was not from a wealthy family by any stretch. My worthless scum bag absentee father NEVER paid a dime of the twelve dollar a week court ordered child support.
My mother did the best she could with meager waitressing pay checks; plus I had a half-brother and a half-sister for her to feed and clothe as well.
On this day Miss Kaiser's sights fell upon me. I was the new kid in class. I was not wearing a tie.
"Gregory where is your tie?" she asked.
Simple enough question. Which I could have simply answered with a "I left it home" except for the fact that I knew I had no neckties at home. Which is why I gave her no answer. I was too embarrassed.
Thinking that the other kids would laugh at me for being poor.
Instead I said nothing.
It didn't matter, since Miss. K had already taken up a large sheet of puke green construction paper and begun cutting her clowny bowtie out for me to wear.
Oh I also forgot to mention that she made really bad kids sit on the waste basket. Another poor classmate of mine was presently sitting on the trash can with a ridiculous cartoon tie on.
"Come up here and get this"
She smiled at me hatefully as she affixed the paper clip to my collar. Here it was, the moment of truth. I wore the humiliating tie.
For about ten seconds, during which time I thought to myself: I will not wear this. Who does she think she is? She's a teacher! What is this supposed to be teaching me? Public humiliation? Conformity?
Accepting what I know to be wrong just because she's older than me?
NO!
I then marched over to the trash can, ripped the clowny tie up and tossed it in (over the stunned faces of everyone in the classroom) including the boy who sat on the can.
"GET DOWNSTAIRS TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE NOW!" she shrieked. Her face had become beet red.
So off I went. The principal was a kindly old lady whose name I unfortunately can not remember. She asked me what had happened and I told her, tearfully at this point (I was a sensitive kid prone to crying
easily) that I did not own a tie, therefore did not have one to wear. She was sympathetic and directed her pretty, young assistant to go in a file cabinet drawer where there was a whole collection of ties.
"What's your favorite color Gregory?" she asked me.
"Blue"
The young girl then leaned forward, slipped the tie on me and tied it expertly. I was in heaven. She smelled so good.
"Now there you go, you have a sharp tie, tied on for you by a lovely young lady. Go ahead back up to your class."
When I returned I endured dirty looks from Miss Kaiser for the rest of my fourth grade.
But I had won.
Now Im 51 years old and I have the added satisfaction of knowing that the ravages of time have undoubtedly taken their toll on that evil bitch as well.
More importantly my outlook about authority has stayed the same since then. No one is EVER above question. Truth is the only authority.
uniforms. However, Miss Kaiser was adamant about male students being required to wear neckties. If a boy showed up not wearing one, she would cut a comically large contruction paper bow-tie and paper clip
it to his collar so that he would suffer the humiliation of being the butt of the you-didnt-wear-a-tie jokes for the rest of the day.
I was not from a wealthy family by any stretch. My worthless scum bag absentee father NEVER paid a dime of the twelve dollar a week court ordered child support.
My mother did the best she could with meager waitressing pay checks; plus I had a half-brother and a half-sister for her to feed and clothe as well.
On this day Miss Kaiser's sights fell upon me. I was the new kid in class. I was not wearing a tie.
"Gregory where is your tie?" she asked.
Simple enough question. Which I could have simply answered with a "I left it home" except for the fact that I knew I had no neckties at home. Which is why I gave her no answer. I was too embarrassed.
Thinking that the other kids would laugh at me for being poor.
Instead I said nothing.
It didn't matter, since Miss. K had already taken up a large sheet of puke green construction paper and begun cutting her clowny bowtie out for me to wear.
Oh I also forgot to mention that she made really bad kids sit on the waste basket. Another poor classmate of mine was presently sitting on the trash can with a ridiculous cartoon tie on.
"Come up here and get this"
She smiled at me hatefully as she affixed the paper clip to my collar. Here it was, the moment of truth. I wore the humiliating tie.
For about ten seconds, during which time I thought to myself: I will not wear this. Who does she think she is? She's a teacher! What is this supposed to be teaching me? Public humiliation? Conformity?
Accepting what I know to be wrong just because she's older than me?
NO!
I then marched over to the trash can, ripped the clowny tie up and tossed it in (over the stunned faces of everyone in the classroom) including the boy who sat on the can.
"GET DOWNSTAIRS TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE NOW!" she shrieked. Her face had become beet red.
So off I went. The principal was a kindly old lady whose name I unfortunately can not remember. She asked me what had happened and I told her, tearfully at this point (I was a sensitive kid prone to crying
easily) that I did not own a tie, therefore did not have one to wear. She was sympathetic and directed her pretty, young assistant to go in a file cabinet drawer where there was a whole collection of ties.
"What's your favorite color Gregory?" she asked me.
"Blue"
The young girl then leaned forward, slipped the tie on me and tied it expertly. I was in heaven. She smelled so good.
"Now there you go, you have a sharp tie, tied on for you by a lovely young lady. Go ahead back up to your class."
When I returned I endured dirty looks from Miss Kaiser for the rest of my fourth grade.
But I had won.
Now Im 51 years old and I have the added satisfaction of knowing that the ravages of time have undoubtedly taken their toll on that evil bitch as well.
More importantly my outlook about authority has stayed the same since then. No one is EVER above question. Truth is the only authority.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
ICE-T a thin skinned celebrity...so disappointing
I read the post to Ice-T asking
"yo Ice how do you stay relevant to the kids from the hood nowadays?"
so of course I had to throw my two cents in by saying
"yeah Ice playin a NYC cop is something all tha gangstas from the hood can relate to, I'm so sherrr".
His answer to me "They can relate to 200K a week"
image below:
After that Ice T former "gangsta rapper" blocked me from following his tweets.
I was really genuinely surprised. I wasn't trying to imply that he had sold out by going from anti-establishment to conformist. I was just pointing out that some who looked up to him might see playing a detective could be seen as being a sell out.
I am an actor, I know what it's like to play all different personalities.
But Ice-T's persona as a rapper in the 90s and during the height of the controversy surrounding his recording "COP KILLER" had most certainly been of the non-conformist outlaw. Now to play a New York City detective is inarguably a total about face to his previous image.
Worse though, to imply that anyone who is not show biz can relate in any way to earning two-hundred thousand dollars a week is INSULTING.
Obviously Tracy Morrow aka Ice-T knew that.So all I can assume is that I, a lowly peon and non-celebrity touched a nerve resulting in my being kicked off Final Level's pontifications, most of which discuss the smell of dog farts or how hot his wife is.
No problemo. I realize now that I was wrong in confusing the image with the actual man behind it.
HUSTLER, indeed
"yo Ice how do you stay relevant to the kids from the hood nowadays?"
so of course I had to throw my two cents in by saying
"yeah Ice playin a NYC cop is something all tha gangstas from the hood can relate to, I'm so sherrr".
His answer to me "They can relate to 200K a week"
image below:
After that Ice T former "gangsta rapper" blocked me from following his tweets.
I was really genuinely surprised. I wasn't trying to imply that he had sold out by going from anti-establishment to conformist. I was just pointing out that some who looked up to him might see playing a detective could be seen as being a sell out.
I am an actor, I know what it's like to play all different personalities.
But Ice-T's persona as a rapper in the 90s and during the height of the controversy surrounding his recording "COP KILLER" had most certainly been of the non-conformist outlaw. Now to play a New York City detective is inarguably a total about face to his previous image.
Worse though, to imply that anyone who is not show biz can relate in any way to earning two-hundred thousand dollars a week is INSULTING.
Obviously Tracy Morrow aka Ice-T knew that.So all I can assume is that I, a lowly peon and non-celebrity touched a nerve resulting in my being kicked off Final Level's pontifications, most of which discuss the smell of dog farts or how hot his wife is.
No problemo. I realize now that I was wrong in confusing the image with the actual man behind it.
HUSTLER, indeed
Thursday, November 25, 2010
51 years of Thanks Giving
Yeah I'm happy for the life I have.
And if I were to lose it, oh well.
I don't want to die but shit happens.
I have a growth, could be benign, could be malignant, I guess I have to go find out.
I don't have medical coverage. But preserving my life is worth the investment in a doctor's visit I suppose.
Anyhoo, I have lived a fairly productive life. I have not greatly enhanced society in a publicly measurable way per se. I have fathered five children, two daughters and three sons. Unfortunately the first three want nothing to do with me.
My youngest sons love me though...
I have entertained people with laughter as a stand up comic, with youtube videos and my live shows on assorted channels online stickam, blogstar and blogtv to name a few.
I am not a religious man by any means. I do not totally discount an afterlife, but I'm pretty sure when we die, it's just oblivion. Nothingness. And without consciousness I wont even notice obviously, but I do not welcome that.
I dont think "oh yeah life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone" like John Mellencamp sang. I am thrilled by my life every day. Even when I'm tired.
I do not prefer the alternative.
I embrace my life. I have indeed been blessed with so many good things. People who love me. Great meals, lots of laughs, adventures, intellect,cultures to be fascinated by. Movies, books, songs. Women.
I will live on in assorted media.
Check me out if you're interested.
I am a good person by nature. I, for the most part, was not malicious.
Just an oddball. Some called me crazy or weird. I dont think that's a bad thing.
After all we are only a compilation of DNA of whomever came before us...
And if I were to lose it, oh well.
I don't want to die but shit happens.
I have a growth, could be benign, could be malignant, I guess I have to go find out.
I don't have medical coverage. But preserving my life is worth the investment in a doctor's visit I suppose.
Anyhoo, I have lived a fairly productive life. I have not greatly enhanced society in a publicly measurable way per se. I have fathered five children, two daughters and three sons. Unfortunately the first three want nothing to do with me.
My youngest sons love me though...
I have entertained people with laughter as a stand up comic, with youtube videos and my live shows on assorted channels online stickam, blogstar and blogtv to name a few.
I am not a religious man by any means. I do not totally discount an afterlife, but I'm pretty sure when we die, it's just oblivion. Nothingness. And without consciousness I wont even notice obviously, but I do not welcome that.
I dont think "oh yeah life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone" like John Mellencamp sang. I am thrilled by my life every day. Even when I'm tired.
I do not prefer the alternative.
I embrace my life. I have indeed been blessed with so many good things. People who love me. Great meals, lots of laughs, adventures, intellect,cultures to be fascinated by. Movies, books, songs. Women.
I will live on in assorted media.
Check me out if you're interested.
I am a good person by nature. I, for the most part, was not malicious.
Just an oddball. Some called me crazy or weird. I dont think that's a bad thing.
After all we are only a compilation of DNA of whomever came before us...
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
musings
Death of your youth comes as you age slowly perniciously. That's the game; accept it if you want to play or oblivion.
Time is just a measurement of how many memories you can collect.
Defy yourself to define yourself.
Time is just a measurement of how many memories you can collect.
Defy yourself to define yourself.
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